An Interview with Sex Columnist Josephina Bonetto

DD: What was it that inspired you to do your personal journal in this style?

JB: It was never my intention to write a personal journal at all, in any style. I always intended to write a book but kept putting it off, probably because I had ideas but I struggled to commit them to paper. I felt ineffective, frustrated and was clearly suffering from a form of writers block. I have daily in-world conversations with friends and during one of these I just came up with the idea for the Second Sex & The City column in about 30 minutes. The idea behind it was to cure my writers block by writing the column so I could finish my book. I still watch reruns and DVDs of SATC now so it was never a forgotten TV programme for me, despite ending some time ago.

I suppose my style of writing has not really been changed to match "Carrie Bradshaw" because my conversational first person way of writing while posing questions is the way I speak in real life. And it is certainly the way I think. I suppose it became a tribute by accident rather than design and it was a very spontaneous, almost immediate decision of mine to write the column.

DD: Did you find a lot of support right off the bat with the people In-World for this kind of "tribute"?

JB: Yes. Much more than I first thought. However, in the early days of the column I felt a lot of people did not approve of my "name and shame" (now removed) and felt it was distasteful. No one ever actually said that to me directly, but I felt what I can only describe as an atmosphere - Which is a strange comment to make about a virtual world, I know. Much of that could have been me feeling particularly over sensitive at that time.

Since then, people have responded more positively to my writing and I feel less self conscious about it. I am also less apologetic about it than I was at the beginning. It is a creative outlet for me, if people enjoy it that is a bonus.

DD: Did you find any kind of conflict from the people in your rl because of this?

JB: No, the writing is no different to any other creative hobby - Mine just happens to be based around a virtual world. My RL friends and family either support it or just don't understand what a virtual world is enough to make a comment either way. I am also a very quick writer, on a good day a column can take an hour or two at most, but I have to be in the right frame of mind to do it.

DD: How often do your "column topics" find out about their role in the column?

JB: I would imagine that nearly everyone has identified themselves, either because I have told them directly or I have given them a nudge in the right direction. Obviously, the male cheating virtual husband and his virtual wife know who they are. The man I refer to as Delusional Dick in one column was a member of my Second Sex & The City group as an alt and is now looking pale rather than orange so I assume he identified himself! There was no discernible fall out or feedback from the other guy I named and shamed as a cheater - He and his partner are still together I believe.

I usually tell people if I am influenced by them in my columns and they usually find it funny. I do not get angry instant messages or notecards sent to me as a result of my columns, most of the dating disasters I detailed relate to men who have moved on in their game and are not interested in what I have to say, or are too offended to say anything at all perhaps!

DD: Do you find your rl crossing over with your sl more then you care ?

JB: Not really, I deliberately bring in snippets of RL into my columns where relevant, but I work full time in RL and have other commitments that I still continue while doing SL. I do as much or as little in-world as I want and I often find that people have a perception that I am in-world far more than I actually am because I am often AFK. I enjoy vacations from SL into RL just as much as I enjoy vacations from RL into SL.

DD: With the re-vamping of the SATC myth (because of the movie) do you feel that your blog will get some new exposure?

JB: I only realized this week the hype surrounding the movie as I watch surprisingly (or perhaps unsurprisingly) very little RL TV, I knew it was imminent and the media interest was building but did not consider it at all in relation to my column until this week.

I think there is the possibility that my in-world group may attract more members, but I have to confess I have been too busy in RL to check my website statistics this past couple of days to see if there are more visitors. I do not feel my column will necessarily get read more because of the movie. I think people searching on Facebook will find my group and so will people in-world, and that will be the only real impact for me from the movie.

DD: Where do you see the general state of In-World relationships going?

JB: I think that while there are people who insist on logging on to Second Life to recreate their miserable First Life relationships there will always be issues. I have known people who are on their third virtual marriages and others who have hired honeytraps to test their virtual partners’ fidelity. But the thing which bothers me the most is that there are people making RL plans to cross states, even water to set up RL relationships with people they have met and married in SL and their virtual partners are being unfaithful with another avatar! I want to scream “Don’t do it!”

Don't get me wrong, it is not all bad news and I don't mean to give virtual relationships a bad press, but the safety of a virtual world is a myth - As soon as real feelings are stirred up there is no safety in-world anymore - Or none from hurt feelings and bruised pride anyway. It is not possible to spend a lot of time with someone in-world and not feel, there are real life personalities involved and that is where the potential for hurt and drama comes in.

I think the statistics on partnering and the dissolving of partnerships in SL would be interesting to read, as I have met a few people now who are on second and third relationships in-world. I think there may be an increase in virtual "divorces", and I recently considered the possibility that pre-nuptial agreements would be of use in-world and was going to research it - So far I have not done that yet because the legal implications made my virtual head hurt.

DD: How has this opened up your writing career?

JB: I secured a monthly column with an online lifestyle magazine, similar in style to my own, with the first one due to be published the end of this month. I contribute articles to another online lifestyle magazine now too; the first one was about virtual nudism. They are both virtual world orientated.

DD: And which SATC girl are you?

JB: In real life, I am a combination of Miranda and Carrie. My creative side is more like Carrie; the cynical and sarcastic side of me is pure Miranda. I have a dry sense of humour, bordering on black at times.

DD: Extra Thoughts?

JB: Only that as a result of my column, I now have more opportunity to write, which was never my intention when I published it myself online but has been an interesting departure from my other in-world businesses. Really, it was a failed virtual relationship that generated more traffic to my website, www.postcardfromutopia.co.uk. As one door closed another one opened, which makes it impossible for me to feel regret, and bizarrely makes me smile sometimes. I believe in poetic justice.

Photos copyright Josephina Bonetto