Cyber Sex: It Really Isn't Rocket Science

Have you ever decided to do the SL equivalent of a one night stand with someone only to find that instead of a passionate mature lover you end up with someone that is probably Thirteen? Have you ever faked a SL crash or a sudden RL emergency simply to escape from really really bad cyber sex? Well I don't know about you readers but I've done that and then some. And those experiences have compelled me to transcribe three very basic, very simple rules for cyber sex that can be applied to any situation.
To be honest I feel a little silly writing this, simply by virtue of the fact that if you're a reader of Red Light then you probably don't need this advice. But as the comments section occasionally reminds us some of you are complete utter douches. And even if not you can always point your awful partner in the direction of this article. (You know.. maybe give me some more hits? That orgy tub isn't going to pay for itself.)

RULE 1.) Thou shalt have some class.

Hey guys, how ya doing? Feeling horny? Want to get with that drop dead gorgeous little Asian chick over there? Yaaa she's hot isn't she? I mean her body is just begging to be felt up.... Ok now stop! Do not! Absolutely do not open a conversation with asking to grope her. Don't even let it be anywhere near your opener. It's not that I don't appreciate a little directness, its that you might as well be wearing a neon sign saying “WARNING VIRGIN!!! SLEEPING WITH ME WILL HAUNT YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!” Don't greet someone with something stupid like “OMG u r so HOT!!! i wana suck ur titis!!!”

RULE 2.) Thou shalt EMOTE!

Yes Emote is in capital letters. It's that important. I've lost track of the number of times I've been with a n00b who is so overwhelmed by the magic of poseballs all they do is tell me how hard or wet they are and occasionally what they are doing in to themselves in real life. Cyber Sex is NOT a porno. If all you want to do is watch some porn there are plenty of free sites on the Internet. Cyber Sex is about describing your actions, thoughts and feelings. If your not sure how, my advice is to read a few erotic stories on the Internet.

RULE 3.) Thou shalt possess basic spelling and grammar abilities!

This one shouldn't even need an explanation. I can't very well get off with you if I have no idea what your saying because your typing like you've taken a few blows to the head.
So there you go readers, 3 basic simple rules even someone whose been in SL only 5 minutes should be able to understand. (Though I still suspect it's beyond the grasp of a few people I could name.) Obviously these aren't the only 3 commandments of cyber sex, but it should get you started. And quite frankly if you can't master these I suggest you consider getting an a-sexual avatar.. because that will be only way your getting any before too long.

Joan Sweetwater