Have you ever decided to do the SL equivalent of a one night stand with someone only to find that instead of a passionate mature lover you end up with someone that is probably Thirteen? Have you ever faked a SL crash or a sudden RL emergency simply to escape from really really bad cyber sex? Well I don't know about you readers but I've done that and then some. And those experiences have compelled me to transcribe three very basic, very simple rules for cyber sex that can be applied to any situation.
To be honest I feel a little silly writing this, simply by virtue of the fact that if you're a reader of Red Light then you probably don't need this advice. But as the comments section occasionally reminds us some of you are complete utter douches. And even if not you can always point your awful partner in the direction of this article. (You know.. maybe give me some more hits? That orgy tub isn't going to pay for itself.)
RULE 1.) Thou shalt have some class.
Hey guys, how ya doing? Feeling horny? Want to get with that drop dead gorgeous little Asian chick over there? Yaaa she's hot isn't she? I mean her body is just begging to be felt up.... Ok now stop! Do not! Absolutely do not open a conversation with asking to grope her. Don't even let it be anywhere near your opener. It's not that I don't appreciate a little directness, its that you might as well be wearing a neon sign saying “WARNING VIRGIN!!! SLEEPING WITH ME WILL HAUNT YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!” Don't greet someone with something stupid like “OMG u r so HOT!!! i wana suck ur titis!!!”
RULE 2.) Thou shalt EMOTE!
Yes Emote is in capital letters. It's that important. I've lost track of the number of times I've been with a n00b who is so overwhelmed by the magic of poseballs all they do is tell me how hard or wet they are and occasionally what they are doing in to themselves in real life. Cyber Sex is NOT a porno. If all you want to do is watch some porn there are plenty of free sites on the Internet. Cyber Sex is about describing your actions, thoughts and feelings. If your not sure how, my advice is to read a few erotic stories on the Internet.
RULE 3.) Thou shalt possess basic spelling and grammar abilities!
This one shouldn't even need an explanation. I can't very well get off with you if I have no idea what your saying because your typing like you've taken a few blows to the head.
So there you go readers, 3 basic simple rules even someone whose been in SL only 5 minutes should be able to understand. (Though I still suspect it's beyond the grasp of a few people I could name.) Obviously these aren't the only 3 commandments of cyber sex, but it should get you started. And quite frankly if you can't master these I suggest you consider getting an a-sexual avatar.. because that will be only way your getting any before too long.
Joan Sweetwater
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Cyber Sex: It Really Isn't Rocket Science
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Reporters Of Gor: The Freewomen Chronicles
I first learned about Gor from a friend of mine soon after I joined SL. And by “heard about” I do of course mean “strictly warned away from”. This was much like telling me not to think of purple unicorn. Once I had been warned away from it I simply knew I had to see it., and not simply see it. I had to experience it for myself. I had to go..... Undercover. (Dun Dun DUHHHHHH)
But where and how to go undercover was the question. Where and how. I briefly scoured a particular gorean sim and was largely ignored by two female pirates who were apparently trying to enslave each other. Something that was surprisingly boring to watch I have to say. It was only a while after that I discovered Tetrapoli.
Now Tetrapoli is an extremely traditional, by-the-books Gorean sim. (Yes Gor is apparently a series of 27 novels written by John Norman... who quite frankly strikes me as being Marqi DeSade's little brother, but more on that later. And if your reading this Mr. Norman I would like to respectfully say FUCK YOU!!!! Well perhaps that's a bit harsh, we both know your a hack and you couldn't have expected this thing to catch on like it has.) This Sim initially proved extremely useful, it provided me with a brown burlap sack to wear... err I mean a freewomen dress, complete with the required shitty veil, but more importantly it had a library where I could learn about Gor. And I can assure you dear reader... even now I doubt I grasp the full scope of Gor and Gorean philosophy.
I will say this... my first impressions of Gor were not favourable.. indeed I felt as though the fortress of my mind was being Lain to Siege by the forces of stupidity and bigotry. It was a trial, the battle was desperate and there seemed to be no limits to enemy. The opening assault consisted of learning Gor's views on women. Which to summarise: Women are slaves. Slavery is the natural state for women and even freewomen secretly desire the collar.
It was during this assault that I was approached by a frankly damned sexy Kajira (the gorean word for slave) she was polite and respectful to the extreme, referring to me as Mistress the entire time we spoke. First she took me on a tour of the city, then she insisted on purchasing a new, shorter, hair for me. Because the Long hair i usually wore was only fit for slaves... Now this demonstrated two things to me, the residents of tetrapoli can be extremely kind, going out of their way to help newcomers. And that they are extremely traditional in their values.
So during all this I asked her some questions, hit on her a bit, agreed to wear the shorter hair during my stay in gor and created a backstory, since Gorean sims are all generally Roleplaying sims. And when I returned the next day to resume my studies, (I found very quickly that I could not endure more then an hour or two of study without being filled with an intense desire to murder people.) I had the distinct pleasure of speaking to a Gorean man, who again, was kind, though slightly less courteous owing to the natural dominance of men in the world of Gor, indeed any man can enslave any women for any reason in that setting, though there are a few socially accepted rules regarding it. Again my mind was besieged by stupid as I was cautioned against “Slut-like behavior” (apparently FW aren't allowed to display any sexual desire at all) and told that it's alright because as a free women I am allowed to speak freely, as though I was being done a fucking favour.
Enough was enough, the siege had gone on long enough, it was time for the counter attack. I took up my HAMMER OF JUDGMENT (*Thunderclap*), forged in the fires of Mount Doom itself and lead a devastating charge against the enemy. My fingers danced over the keyboard, marshaling my words to create an article of pure liquid HATE! But I sure the astute among you have realized while this article is certainly negative so far. It can hardly be called a creation of PURE HATE! And why is that? Simply because you are not reading that article,because my devastating charge was routed. Routed when I spoke to the first freewomen I met. We had a long conversation about Gor, and I realized, that while the underlying philosophy is distasteful to me, there are defiantly some redeeming qualities for it. And thus I as forced to set down my HAMMER OF JUDGEMENT (*Thunderclap*) and exchange it for the MALLET OF CIRCUMSTANTIAL DISAPPROVAL (*Milk on Rice Crispies*)
So I erased the article I had already written and wrote the one you are reading now. About my brief experiences as a Freewomen in Gor. I can't say I enjoyed my time as a Freewomen. But then it was never for me. For a women like the one I had spoken too, it was a pleasant escape from the real world, a place where “A women can be treated like a women.” And while I may not understand that viewpoint, I can respect that she and the freewomen like her hold it. Of course for me there was never any consideration of remaining a freewomen. I had to understand the Kajira, and since then my opinions have changed even more....but for that dear reader you'll have to wait a bit....
By Joan Sweetwater
(click image to enlarge)
