The Healing Potentials of Cybersex

by Penny Sautereau-Fife

Yes you read that title right. No I'm not any kind of doctor. I am however slowly dying, trapped in a broken down, crumbling body wracked with constant excruciating pain that can barely function. So that's the direction I'm coming from as I write this.

Now, first of all, yes I'm aware of the fact that saying cybersex out loud more often than not is met at best with polite looks of pitiable disdain, and at worst by the giggles of sniggering teenagers making jokes about typing one-handed. Many people don't really understand cybersex. Why on earth would anyone want to masturbate to words on a screen?

Well, first of all, masturbating to words is hardly a new concept. Erotica has been around for centuries. The imagination is one of the most potent and powerful sexual characteristics of most human beings. Seriously, why else do you think a woman coyly biting on a pencil or eating a banana can make men into gooey puddles just as easily as any full frontal nudity in Playboy could? Sometimes your imagination can be more arousing than the real thing.

But, you may ask, even considering this fact, how then can cybersex be healing? Isn't it still just typing one-handed to pornographic text?

Well, that depends on the context. Positive thinking people will always try to say there's someone out there for everyone. Negative thinking people will insist if you have to get sex online you must be pathetic. Those of us in the middle who are just simply realistic know the truth is in the middle. We live in a very shallow beauty-obsessed society. And very often, people who are too fat, or too plain, or physically crippled or disfigured simply won't be able to get past the pre-conceived notions most people in real life have.

So where does Cybersex come in?

First of all, online, you aren't held back by the stigmas that may be attached to however it is you look. I'll use the MMO game Second Life as an example as that of late is where I spend most of my time. Let's first do a quick comparison, of my own case.

REAL LIFE

- Suffering from several health ailments and debilitating conditions. In so much pain moving is a painful chore. Sex life with my wife is nearly non-existent without serious painkillers. Severely limited wardrobe due to minimal finances. Must use a wheelchair to get around outside of the house. Overweight, very plain-looking at best, putting on make-up is far too huge an effort to bother with except for important events. Generally unable to get out to meet people or socialize. Very few local friends who could visit me.

SECOND LIFE, ONLINE

- No extra body fat. All the intricate tattoos I ever wanted, arranged sexily. Nearly unlimited wardrobe of sexy clothing, limited only by my imagination as to what I can create in Photoshop. No mobility issues. Beautiful body and face. Pain never an issue. Sexual function limited only by my imagination. More friends than I can count.

Are you seeing the pattern here? I'm not pretty on the outside in real life, and except for my wits and hands I'm barely functional. But on the computer, my mind and personality are freed of all my limitations.

Now you may still be asking at this point, but how does cybersex have healing potential just because you can be sexy online?

Well, it's simple. Cybersex is still human interaction, even online. It requires to people to open up sexually and mingle. And when it's good, it spurs the imagination, getting your brain working in overdrive on several levels. The more excited you get reading your lover's sexy innuendos or blunt passionate statements, the more endorphins you release. The more you excite your partner with a creative and arousing turn of a phrase, the more your self-esteem gets a boost from knowing that, with only your fingertips typing and your imagination flaring, you're giving someone miles away joy and pleasure, making someone feel better, making someone happy.

I can't speak for everyone but in my own case my physical pain is so great I can't even masturbate, so I don't do the much yapped about "one handed typing" like most. I am however capable of achieving orgasm purely from intense mental stimulation, and I get that by pleasing those I love online. As does my wife, who also plays on Second Life to compensate for my real life inabilities. Freed of my physical limitations and open to letting my imagination show me the freedom cybersex gives me to do things my body just never could manage in real life, the emotional pleasure and intellectual stimulation I get from my online interactions, I can honestly say, keeps me going some days. The happiness I derive from making my wife and my online lovers happy and joyful through my imaginative typing gives me the drive to keep living through the mess of my real body.

And for others, who are perhaps only limited by societal definitions of beauty, it's a chance to feel loved for their personality. I know a lot of people who have in fact met their wives and husbands this way, because with the awkward social limitations out of the way and not influencing the getting to know you process, they were able to connect on a more personal and layered level, falling for the person rather than the looks. I know several other people who are perfectly content to keep things online alone. I know people who consider themselves married to people they'll never meet in real life and are happy that way, because their online relationships fulfill their needs and they get to keep their real life unfettered.

Emotional healing can be more important sometimes than physical healing. There's nothing that can be done for any of the conditions I live with. I know I am GOING to die within the next few years, barring my own will to live. But my soul is kept healthy and strong by my interactions online and my wife.

And the will to keep going is better medicine than damn near anything. Not that I'll be giving up my percosets anytime soon, but the life I live online makes the life I have offline worth muddling through.

Reporters of Gor: The Kajira Chronicles Book 2

This article, this instalment of the Reporters of Gor series will likely be the last such for a good long while. (at least if I can help it) I have seen Gor, I have spent weeks within it, but overall, the experience was a negative one. I realize now I hung on for as long as I did simply because I've always enjoyed roleplaying, but even this was not terribly entertaining since I personally don't consider “Get me some Paga Beast” to be terribly engaging roleplay. It is for this an other reasons I feel that I am done with gor, but here are some of my final thoughts on the matter, submitted for your consideration and for my inevitable rise to fame and glory.

So, to start from the beginning by the time I became a kajira I had already mostly gotten over my hatred for the philosophy of Gor, not because I didn't despise it anymore but simply because I no longer concerned myself with it. (In other words I did my best to repress that bullshit as much as I could.) Now I've been given to understand most Kajira become so either by being captured or by simply surendering themselves in general to a gorean city or “homestone.” I, being the smart slut, took the time to selectively choose and negotiate my enslavement before actually roleplaying it out. It actually worked quite well, resulting in a tragic roleplay of a women who feels she has lost her purpose in life submitting in order to find new purpose. Sounds cheesy I know but I assure you at the time it was an intense experience. Sadly though it was one of only a few worthwhile roleplaying experience I had.

So then I was a slave... now what? It's not like I am unfamiliar with being a submissive, I wanted to see what being a gorean slave was like though, and I rapidly learned the main difference was instead of simply being submissive to my carefully chosen master, I had to be submissive to almost everyone. (So fine? I can put up with that right? Might even be fun. Ya... Only not so much.) You see dear readers the main problem is that to far to many people, the ideal submissive kajira is one that never really says or does anything except when ordered to do so. If you don't see a problem with this, the fuck you. I own a few slaves myself and I know a good mistress has a responsibility to give her pets more to do then just “Sit down and shut up.” Those that think otherwise are mistreating their toys and are probably going to find themselves without any before terribly long, or at least without any slaves worth having. And as I have said before, no slaves, no Gor.

Now by this point some of my female readers are probably working themselves into a good “all men as chauvinistic assholes” ranting mood. But before you do, let me stop you. It was the men of tetrapoli who were actually the most likable (with one notable exception) and understood that Gor is roleplay and just because you can call me a beast IC (in character for those of you unfamiliar with the lingo) doesn't mean I'm not a real person with thoughts and the desire to express them. And they would make an effort IC to involve me in their roleplay, to give me something to do, some more successfully then others but the effort was made.

So it wasn't men of gor that were the problem as I though they would be. Nay in Tetrapoli I was in fact betrayed by my own gender. Yes, while the Free Men of Gor proved themselves to be mostly likable, the Free Women (FW) proved themselves time and again to be complete power-tripping BITCHES! (And here I had thought I was supposed to be the bitch.) regarding myself and my fellow Kajira with at best casual disdain but generally with a “How dare you speak in my presence whore!” attitude. (To put it generously) What's worse is that this attitude is not only regarded as acceptable but is even expected. Now I don't want to say that your a completely worthless facsimile of a human being if your biggest source of entertainment is being a complete bitch to people. I just want to strongly imply it. And thus I encourage a good 80% of the free women population of Gor to pucker up and kiss my sexy ass. (Hmm on the other hand thats not much of a punishment.) Find some other way to roleplay or go fuck yourself with a baseball bat. (For those of you without baseball bats, IM me and I'll happily provide you with one.) The other 20% of you get a kiss and a cookie (Again I'll happily provide them.)

It should be noted that yes, there were some redeemable FW in gor, I even attended a roleplaying workshop for them (though this was when i was a kajira, but then the major topic of discussion was roleplaying interactions between FW and kajira) and while a few of them including the lead speaker seemed to understand my point when I addressed the speaker and said that I felt too many FW roleplayed poorly with the kajira and that being a total bitch was hardly the best way to roleplay with others, it seemed many, including a particularly vocal specimen considered my arguments to be utterly without worth simply because i was a kajira and it is inappropriate for kajira to think or to form opinions, let alone express them, and if I were a good kajira I would never have thought up or voiced my arguments. Therefor I am not a good kajira and therefor I don't understand Gor and therefor my arguments must be totally false and groundless. Q.E.D. Faced with the bullet-proof logic I and my sister (who was watching over my shoulder) were left with absolutely no alternative but to burst into howls of laughter. (And frankly I still had to clean up their logic for your benefit readers.)

It wasn't long after that incident that I was freed from captivity, my owner realizing that I was never going to be a good little kajira. (Which I have taken as a compliment.) So, stopping only to set fire to few metaphorical bridges, I departed Tetrapoli, likely never to return. I will however, say one thing in the defence of that particular sim though not for Gor in general, just before I left there was a motion to improve the quality of roleplay for kajira and to organize more events, but I left before anything had really started.

So, to summarize....... Screw you guys, I 'm going home.

Though before I do I would like to take a moment to address some of the feedback from my last gorean article. Honestly I have little to say in response, some of you have offered potentially valid criticism of my work. While I myself feel that 3+ weeks of research was quite adequate, I am not and will not pretend to be gorean, I have never read any of the books, just quotations from them. That said, I am not some self-righteous puritan who feels that all BDSM is sick. I do and have owned slaves myself, and overall I quite enjoy some aspects of BDSM. And then of course there were those of you who's opinions have shown themselves be slightly less the valid. I'd say you know who you are, but I really doubt that, so I'll just have to say the rest of us know who you are.

Joan Sweetwater

How to pick up.... Me

I was not long ago that I was fist gifted with the privelge of meeting some of my fans, though they were unrelated I was first contacted by them within hours of each other.
Now by this point in my second life, I can generally expect about two people I've never met before IMing me to try to get into my pants, some are up front about it, some employ the more smoke and mirrors approach but these two were notable in that they both had read my articles and enjoyed them. Now one was a pretty cool girl who wanted to get an article of her own in SL-newspaper and the other was a somewhat less then cool, but these and my other experiences have lead me to write a brief “Pick up guide” for horny guys and gals looking to meet someone. (like say... me)

Now I've written before about the importance of having class. Apparently some of you didn't get the message. Asking me to “Be your cam-whore and have sex with dogs on webcam” before I have even so much as seen your avatar IS NOT class. (to quote a friend “Dogs are sooo 2008”) And while I'm sure that many of you readers have stopped by this point imagining exactly that (for which I can hardly blame them) those who forge on will likely agree with me that perhaps a bit more tact is required. (Like say... any at all.)

Now that said, it is also not wise to be “too” gentlemanly, particularly not over a long period. Doing so runs the risk of establishing yourself firmly in the “just friends” category. The reason for this is that sex has a way of changing relationships and if a “friendly” relationship grows comfortable I, and others like me, are reluctant to risk changing it with sex.

Be interesting! I can't stress this enough, if you want someone to give you the time of day, it's likely best not to have a blank profile and to just open with “Hi” Odds are you wont even get a response. A few jokes and double entendre can go a long way. And it helps to be a least a bit of a pervert, because those that only want to have missionary sex on a bed in private are probably monogamous anyway, so have a fantasy and don't be afraid to express it to avoid the endless “What do you want to do? I dunno what do you want to do? I dunno...” (you get the idea) if you let it fall into that, then your probably going to lose his or her interest and if they have shown interest in a random stranger, chances are they are kinky themselves.

Lastly, call the next day if you enjoyed it. Don't count on being called back even if you think your partner had a good time, alot of people aren't confident enough to make the grab for that second date, so if you want it, go for it. Just remember the second date does not the lifelong commitment make. It's great to say “I really enjoyed yesterday, I'd like to see you again and see where this goes.” It is not great to say “I really enjoyed yesterday. Please don't think I'm creepy but I wrote a love sonnet about how beautiful you are and how wonderful our family will be. Don't worry I'll take care of everything, in fact I've already prepared a couple different styles of wedding invitations you can send out to your friends and I've prepared a list of possible names for the beautiful children we will have. And don't worry lover, I'm not a creepy stalker, I'm not trying to force you into anything you don't want to do. Oh and btw I already booked our wedding for Thursday next week at 1pm. See I told you I'll take care of everything.” (What the hell is it about me that keeps attracting the latter type?)

By Joan Sweetwater

Who to the What Now?

By Penny Sautereau
Click for full size images

Well this is New and Xciting

Well with Gor out of the way, its time for me to get back into the saddle so to speak. I needed something new and exciting, something that would inspire me to write somthing so mindblowingly awesome that not only would the Nobel Prize Committee recognize my genius, they would be forced to create the Nobel Sex Journalism Prize just to capture the sheer magnitude of my awesome. Only problem is, I wasnt sure what to write about.

Well I have found the answer dear readers, a rather exciting one to. Xciteing that is (Yes I'm going to Pun-Hell, I know.) And as you've no doubt deduced by now I'm refering to XCITE. A store, indeed a brand, that caters to those who want to upgrade their avatar with a bit more interactivity. Oh sure any fresh off the welcome island can quickly obtain a free, automicaly correct skin and a cock if they are male or "other". I mean I'm certain we've all seen people on SL who seem to exist purely for the purpose of having sex and don't even bother to put in the time and effort to write a profile.

But some people prefer a little something extra, something that can seperate us from the unwashed masses of over-eager newbs. One of perhaps the best product for this is XCITE body parts, which allow other people to interact with your body simply by touching the appropriate body part. For example if someone wanted to say, bite my nipple, they could simply click on my breasts and then select bite from the menu. This stiumulus would then be fed through the xcite hud, potentialy causing arousal depending on how I've set my kinks (yes you can customize your kinks) and genetrates a short emote in chat automaticly (can be set to either say, whisper or IM the emote.) With enough stiumulation I can even be forced to cum, putting me in a nice "orgasmic" animation. I can also do things to myself using the same system too. One nice feature is the ability to "react" to touches, I could for example blow the person touching a kiss, or i could punch them in the face, or ban then from touching me outright. Then there is the handy little feature of XCITE parts being upgradable with fun little features and sex toys for about 150-500L a pop.

I learned one little feature of XCITE mostly by accident a few days ago, namely that XCITE body parts can interact with eachother. Oh sure I had read that in the store but had never actually seen it at work until i went to a party, one thing lead to another (as things usually do at any party worth going to) and soon I was masturbating on the dance floor. Everyone was laughing and having a good time when I came, suddenly one of my fellow dancers, a women I happen to know, said her XCITE pregnancy hud had reacted to it. (She had been trying to get pregnant with her SL husband and had so far had no luck.) so in spite of the fact that I lacked the equipment to do so (like say a penis), and indeed was across the room from her at the time, there is every chance i may have knocked her up depending on what menu she selected.... so ya.. things might be a bit awkward with her husband after this article goes up. ;P

But as potentially cool as that is, there is one very major problem with XCITE, that being that some people use it a sexual crutch, thinking that just selecting menu items and having it play short emotes counts as a replacement for actual emoting on their parts. Frankly I despise that even more then I despise those who only want to talk about how hard they are and how HAWT a particular sex animation is. (Seriously what the fuck is so hard about emoting actions? /me bitch-slaps the lot of you. >:p) And of course there is the minor problem with placement and coloration. THey try to make it as simple as possible but sometimes there are difficulties.

Et finalment (Yes not only am i bi-sexual, I'm bi-lingual too) it would be remiss of me to fail to mention the "tokon slave hud system" for all the subs and doms out there. Its a pretty versitle piece of sex-tech that works with XCITE (though having XCITE stuff isnt required) it lets you create and save your own positions, macros and sounds as well as coming with its own stuff pre-loaded (my favourite one is "that's no moon, that's a space station") the interface itself is very intuitive but the method for creating your own content is not. MY favourite thing about it is that the hud itself works with any on the tolken collars, cuffs and hud you have, and is priced very reasonably, allowing one to purchace a slave hud and collar for about the sameprice one might expect for a mid-range collar.

Til next time, Joan Sweetwater

Reporters of Gor: The Kajira Chronicles Book 1

Those of you who have been following my adventures in SL and those who read my last article “The Free Women Chronicles” knew I wouldn’t last long in the particular role of an oppressed, icy, bitch queen who wasn’t allowed to so much as express sexual desire, let alone get laid. (Or to use the shorter name, a “Free” Women.) But in Tetrapoli, a by-the-book gorean sim, there was really only two other options for a women: become a slave, or become an outlaw. Given the fact that I didn’t have any weapons it seemed outlaw wasn’t exactly the best idea, thus I was left with slave, which in the world of gor are called “Kajira.”

Let us be clear, Gor is founded on the principals of slavery, according to the fiction, slavery has been an accepted social institution upon Gor for thousands of years. Without Kajira Gor wouldn’t exist, nevermind become an Internet phenomenon. Indeed to some devotees of Gor, free women are just Kajira who havn’t been collared yet. Women can be captured or otherwise “forced collared” any number of ways, and their slavery is instantly recognized once they have the collar around their neck, leaving them with no legal recourse except a life of servitude or a slow painful death. This in itself is not what makes me spew liquid hate from eyes, after all, many submissives crave exactly that sort of situation, where they can be used, abused and treated like animals without any sort of recourse. So if that’s what they want, fine. To each their own and all that hippy crap.

What really pisses me off about Kajira, is how far it’s taken, the insane heights to which people follow the rules that were never intended to ever leave the pages of fiction. I spoke to one man who told me of the first Kajira he ever owned, how much he adored her, and how much he was devastated when she was captured in a raid and he never saw her again. I’m sorry but being captured doesn’t take landmarks out of your inventory, the only thing keeping her from returning are RP rules.. except oh wait, you say the pirates used illegal weapons to fend off the recovery raid? Then why the fuck is she still playing by the rules when they aren’t? I mean come on people, go into your damn inventory, click the LM and click teleport. This isn’t rocket science people.

However, there is one thing, one thing above all others that grants Kajira a special place on my litany of hate, on my list of things that beg for to be set on fire and have their ashes ejected into the sun. And that dear readers was when I learned one simple fact, Gor exists in real life.. Yes that’s right, take a moment to thing about that… There are real Kajira in the world, and not simply in some third world backwater where the slave trade still exists but in the modern “civilized” world as well (If you think we’ve really done away with slavery in the world then I’m sure you’ll believe I’m the virgin princess of Moon and me, my friends and our mystical talking cat go around defeating tentacle monsters by tossing jewellery and sparkly bubbles at them.)

Oh I’m sure some of these RL Kajira enjoy their lives, they get to spend their days playing Second Life while their master works, and so what if their ankle is chained to the bed, that just adds to the thrill. But when someone is put in the hospital simply because of a fight with their master and they actually argue with me that there is nothing wrong with that? FUCK!!! What the hell are you people thinking?! You can go on about the virtues of “Slave love” and how being treated like an animal, giving everything up to serve another lets you “truly be a women” but SERIOUSLY?! I’m going to say this once people, so try to pay attention. Roleplaying is a fine and lovely thing, but remember that it is roleplay. Some things are fictional for a reason, and Gor is one of them.

Lastly, a thought occurs to me through the haze of cold hate and despair for mankind, for those of you who are having second thoughts about Gor, check out Surrendered Scorpion, a support group and sim for people like yourself. (LM)

By Joan Sweetwater

Snapshot of SL

By Joan Sweetwater
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